V-DAY...
I'm making my way from California Geography class to Ancient Greece. I'm walking between the Student Union and the building with a Pizza Hut. The sun is warm against my face and the breeze is frosty cold. Suddenly I hear a woman's voice announce very loudly, "Come and kiss the vagina."
I stop in my tracks. It's those voices again, I say to myself. Ignore them, they'll go away as long as you pretend that you never heard them in the first place. Oh, but it's too late--I already stopped, and now I'm nonchalantly glancing around in search of the voice's owner.
"Yes, you. Come and kiss the vagina." The voice was a bit forceful this time.
I blink. There's a girl standing with a microphone. She's smiling at me. Behind her, propped up on a table, is the largest vagina I've ever seen. Ok, not that I've seen a whole lot, but I feel seasoned enough to know that they don't come in microwave size.
"So, do you want to try?" she asks, smiling like a Stepford wife.
"Errrr..." My face feels rather warm. "Ummm..."
"Oh, come on, it's not that difficult. All you have to do is throw a Hershey's kiss through the vagina and you win a prize."
"Errrr..."
She hands me a few Hershey kisses. "Step over here. You get three tries."
I resist the urge to ask her if it matters that I throw underhand or overhand. And then, as I perceive a gathering crowd, I suddenly want to toss them all at once and get the hell outta here. One, two, three--in quick succession--I lob the Hershey kisses at the vagina...and completely miss.
"Oh, that's too bad," she tells me, with a look that makes me feel like a puppy that drizzled on the carpet. "But here, take one of our flyers.
It turns out that today is V-DAY. And they are selling tickets to an event to raise money to stop violence against women and girls. Hmmm. Interesting way to go about it. Well, I guess I can breathe a sigh of relief that there won't be an angry inflatable woman after me for tossing chocolates at her vagina.
And if you don't believe my story, keep scrolling to find a picture I took with my nifty camera phone! Or click here!
I stop in my tracks. It's those voices again, I say to myself. Ignore them, they'll go away as long as you pretend that you never heard them in the first place. Oh, but it's too late--I already stopped, and now I'm nonchalantly glancing around in search of the voice's owner.
"Yes, you. Come and kiss the vagina." The voice was a bit forceful this time.
I blink. There's a girl standing with a microphone. She's smiling at me. Behind her, propped up on a table, is the largest vagina I've ever seen. Ok, not that I've seen a whole lot, but I feel seasoned enough to know that they don't come in microwave size.
"So, do you want to try?" she asks, smiling like a Stepford wife.
"Errrr..." My face feels rather warm. "Ummm..."
"Oh, come on, it's not that difficult. All you have to do is throw a Hershey's kiss through the vagina and you win a prize."
"Errrr..."
She hands me a few Hershey kisses. "Step over here. You get three tries."
I resist the urge to ask her if it matters that I throw underhand or overhand. And then, as I perceive a gathering crowd, I suddenly want to toss them all at once and get the hell outta here. One, two, three--in quick succession--I lob the Hershey kisses at the vagina...and completely miss.
"Oh, that's too bad," she tells me, with a look that makes me feel like a puppy that drizzled on the carpet. "But here, take one of our flyers.
It turns out that today is V-DAY. And they are selling tickets to an event to raise money to stop violence against women and girls. Hmmm. Interesting way to go about it. Well, I guess I can breathe a sigh of relief that there won't be an angry inflatable woman after me for tossing chocolates at her vagina.
And if you don't believe my story, keep scrolling to find a picture I took with my nifty camera phone! Or click here!
posted by Grant-Will-Rant at
2:24 PM
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