Bugs, She Bugs, It Bugs...

BUGS:

It must suck to be a bug. Normally I watch out for them while I'm walking. I've even come close to throwing my back out just to avoid stepping on an ant. It just sucks for them. But today I was wearing flip-flops and power walking to the library (yes, I write on Sundays, too) and I felt something wet and gushy under my big toe. I instinctively kicked off my flip flop because it felt so grotesque, like stepping on a rotten grape (this happens a lot in Fresno). Then I saw the damaged carcass lying prostrate on the sidewalk. He was a wreck and I couldn't tell what he used to be--perhaps a beetle. His little black feelers were wilted and his damaged legs were clawing uselessly as something white and gooey oozed from his stomach. And I thought: I did that. So I imagined he was a terrorist and continued on my merry way.

SHE BUGS:

Shannen Doherty really is a jerk. When I was a glorified extra on Beverly Hills 90210, I heard all the horror stories about Shannen and thought they were probably all just rumors started by jealous girls. Supposedly she refused to film one day because there was an extra who was wearing a blouse that she'd worn on a previous episode. She refused to come out of her trailer until the girl changed shirts. So this one time I was taking advantage of the excellent snacks off the set and when I was full I tried to exit the room through a door that swung both ways. Unfortunately someone was pushing on the other side. Double unfortunate was that Shannen was the pusher. And when she saw me she gave me the nastiest look I think I've ever received in my life. I remember looking back as she stalked off and thinking I could give her a swift kick in the ass right now. But then I sort of wanted to keep my job.

IT BUGS:

Something CapnJack wrote in the comments section made me think a bit about the slang we use and how it evolves over time. I guess once you're out of high school it's kind of difficult to stay "with it." Like when I was in school I said things like gnarly, radical (later shortened to "rad"), totally tubular, gag me with a spoon, for sure. If someone was put in their place you told them they'd been "faced" or "facial scrubbed." And this was almost always accompanied by a hand over the face. Sometimes kids would offer their hand out to shake but at the last moment they'd pull it away and say, "Syke." But then there comes a point when you're just not cool if you continue using those words. That's how you can go from being totally cool to a major dweeb. I don't know about you but I find it hella messed up!