Lifting My Head Above Water...

Whew. I made it. Finals week is here and I can see a light at the end of the academic tunnel of hell. I will finally graduate. This Friday my ten-year college experience will be over and done with. Well, I didn't really attend school continuously for ten years; I would characterize it more as a flirtation. But these last two years I got down and dirty and the end result will be a piece of paper that says: "Thanks for all the money you spent on me, now go show this to someone who can exploit you for the rest of your sad little life."

Ok, too cynical. I'm actually thrilled to have completed my degree. I'm also looking forward to teaching history and whipping high school students into shape. I swear I'll learn them good! But I'm really ecstatic about the two delicious months I'll get off each summer. Man oh man, I'm gonna travel my ass off, write my ass off, and publish a novel that sells its ass off so I can spend the rest of my life sitting on my ass...off...(No, that didn't work.)

Ok, switching gears. I spent the last month writing boring papers on...well, just trust me when I say they were boring. So I need to get some things off my chest:

1) Ha ha, you stupid freeloader wench from San Jose who thought you could extort money from Wendy's with your husband's partner's diced finger!! You're going down!

2) Ha ha, Mr. Al Qaeda in Iraq, you got your ass shot and now your bleeding to death on some desert dune surrounded by camels and men who can't wait for you to kick it so they can take over your fourteen brides.

3) Um...no fair no fair no fair...Hel Bell's in Africa chasing lions and tigers and Impalas, oh my. Ollie's in Minnesota playing video games. Jack's in Morro Bay playing footsies with Natalie. Petra's headed off to Texas to rope herself a cowboy. And I'm in Fresno wondering what to do for the next two months. Which reminds me--Makoto, if you're reading this, please get rid of your roomie so I can come stay in LA with you and Syd.

4) My prediction: Carrie Underwood will be the next American Idol.

Peace out!