The Good, the Bad, and the Stinky...

I interviewed four people, back to back, yesterday and loved every one of them. An extremely rare occurrence. The unfortunate part is that I'm only looking to fill three slots. But I can't just let good people slip by so I'm hiring all of them.

It's funny how that works. I've done interviews where every applicant was a complete bloke. One guy was so high that in between answers he'd stare at my forehead for a long time and I could see his consciousness slipping away. When he did manage to put a sentence together it was accompanied by the snap, crackle, pop of the obvious dry mouth.

Another girl was a complete rattle of nerves. Her lip twitched incessantly and I swore she was speaking another language. I caught myself leaning forward and concentrating on her every syllable. Which probably didn't help her nerves much. But, come on, I'm not that imposing. My advice: If you know you're going to be nervous for a job interview, pound a couple of tequila shots first.

But the most memorable applicant who got a speedy pass was this guy who--to my horror--had irritable bowel syndrome. I never did hear the toots...but they hung in the air like heavy drapery. I stayed out of my office for a good hour after that interview. How horrible. The poor bastard. Next time he should consider shoving a Glade Plug-In up his ass before sitting down to an interview.