Another Shark Attack!

Here's the story.

The angry side of me calls for an immediate and complete destruction of all great whites, bull sharks, tiger sharks, hammerheads--all the killer sharks that have become notorious for attacking humans. But then I calm down and say to myself: Hey--it's their turf. No one's forcing me to swim in the ocean. So really there are only a few instances in which I'd ever have to confront a shark in a life and death situation:

1) The plane I'm in happens to crash in the ocean and I happen to survive, only to be torn to bits by an awaiting shark (and don't think I haven't considered the possibility as I've flown over the ocean).

2) The cruise ship I'm on pulls a Titanic and I'm left to cling to a full lifeboat, only to be ravaged by a hungry shark lurking beneath the boat (even as I write this I feel the urge to pull my legs up onto the chair).

3) The Big One strikes California and suddenly Fresno has beach front property, only I'm in San Francisco at the time and the pole that I’ve clung to breaks and I'm swept away into the open mouth of Jaws.

4) The moon is destroyed by a comet resulting in the destruction of its influence on the tides. As the ocean waters wash up to the Sierra Nevada Mountains a shark swims in through my open window and pins me against my computer.

Other than those few rare--but admittedly possible--instances, I really have nothing to fear from sharks. Like Jack pointed out in his blog, I’d never so much as stick one little toe in the ocean water…