Ahhh, neighbors...

I think the baby downstairs has colic. From 5am…well, it's still going strong at 3:41pm…all I've heard is non-stop crying. Every once in a while the baby will pause for about ten minutes and then jump right back into its incomprehensible wailing.

I guess the parents think it's OK to just let the baby cry. Sometimes I hear them talking in loud voices in order to hear each other over the baby's cries. I've never seen these people…but yet I feel like I know them.

The truth is, they're either fighting, partying, or having thirty-second hump-a-thons. And it's typically in that order. Their lives often intrude upon mine. When they're fighting and partying I go in my room because it's quieter in there. When they're doing the horizontal shuffle I try to think happy thoughts and turn up Fox News.

This enigmatic couple also has a daughter of probably 6 or 7. I've never seen her but I feel like I know her a little through what she says and how she says it. One time when her parents were arguing the little girl screamed, "I CAN'T HEAR THE TV!" Another time, during one of her whimpering fests, she yelled that she really hated them. I totally empathize with her; sometimes I hate them too.

And the baby cries on…