Anonymity is mine! Sort of...

Ahhh, now this is better. The anonymous Grant-will-rant. I who live and work somewhere in the northwest of the United States. BROOOHAHAHAHA! Now I can rip on anything and anyone with absolute impunity!

Let the ripping commence:

My downstairs neighbors are complete bastards. I've never met them; never seen them; but I sure have heard them.

What have I heard? Recently, a lot of noisy sex. This woman must've been hanging her head out the window during the act. It was that loud. And I'm not joking when I say that another neighbor in the building next to us yelled out their window for the lovely couple to "shut the hell up!"

I know you're probably getting this awful picture of where I live, but it really is a nice area of town. There are no clothes hanging out of windows; no vagabonds reclining in the stairwell; no gangbangers rolling doobies on the curb. Just plain old folks like me...and boisterous nymphomaniacs (not like me!).

And if you don't despise the nasty couple yet, read the transcript below and I guarantee you'll be wishing you could whack "Mommy" in the face with a steel shovel.

Little boy and girl (four to five years old): Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. Come here! Mommy, come here!

Mommy: What the F*** do you want! LEAVE ME ALONE!

Little boy and girl: But Mommy... Mommy, we want to show you something...

Mommy: I'M BUSY! WHAT IS IT!

Little boy and girl: (a little less enthused) Happy early Mother's Day!

Mommy: (doing a horrible job of sounding grateful) Ahhh, how sweet. Thank you... Now let Mommy work...