Have you guys heard about the woman who's suing Wendy's fast-food chain after supposedly finding a finger in her bowl of chili?
Well personally I think it's complete bogus. This woman has a record of similar lawsuits against other companies she claimed abused her in some way or another.
In fact, just last year she sued--and won--a claim against another fast-food chain for allegedly making her daughter sick. She sued an auto dealership after a tire fell off her car, she sued for sexual harassment, she sued her lawyer after he failed to win her case, and now she's suing the damn police department who's investigating the Wendy's incident!
But here's the juicy part. Apparently this woman's aunt recently passed away. I wonder if she's missing a finger....
But seriously. What do you do with scum like this woman? People who consistently exploit the weaknesses of our judicial system for monetary gain.
You won’t believe this... My friend Jack called me up yesterday and said: "Guess what? I'm going to be a daddy!"
Holy mother of God! My two best friends are going to have babies in the same month! Isn't that wild? Well, for me it is, because it seems like just yesterday Jack, Makoto, and I were scowling at the television and cussing each other out for shooting one another with red tortoise shells. (Mario Kart) Or throwing the controllers at the TV in a fit of adolescent rage (although we were way past adolescence).
I first met Jack in 7th grade--20 years ago!! We were both really big nerds, although I never would've admitted it. We did all sorts of goofy things, like snuck out of the roller skating rink after my dad dropped us off so we could crash our first real party. Another time I got so drunk I passed out (and threw up globs of matted tortilla chips) in Jack's mother's bathroom. (She still likes to remind me.) Once, I got sprayed by a skunk in his backyard and had to throw away my clothes. Ah, the memories of youth.
So a couple of years ago--in fact it was at Makoto and Sydney's wedding, the one that I performed!--Jack introduced me to Natalie. Then, the two of them got real quiet, their faces real serious. Jack put his hand on my shoulder and asked if I would be his best man at their wedding. My first thought was, Thank God he didn't ask me to perform the ceremony! You don't know what it's like when people believe that you are a real preacher and shoot you admonishing looks as you stumble around with your seventh glass of wine. My second thought was, Damn everyone's getting married! There goes the freakin' Mario Kart marathons. And my third thought was, Wow...Jack's going to marry an extremely intelligent and beautiful woman, score one for the nerds.
So Jack and Natalie had a wonderful wedding in San Luis Obispo, and an awesome reception at the Madonna Inn. And Jack cut up the dance floor when the DJ played Michael Jackson's Billie Jean, proving that, indeed, he's still a nerd.
But you've got to admit: Nerds Rule!! \m/
Congratulations Jack and Natalie!!
Scroll down for the picture or click here for a close-up.
So I received some awesome news today. One of my best friends is going to be a daddy!
I first met Makoto Takigawa when I was in desperate need of a roommate back in 1996. I placed an ad at Fresno State's English Institute, hoping to attract an exchange student in need of housing. Why a foreign student? Because they always pay their rent on time; they're generally much cleaner than Americans; and their guaranteed not to stay for more than a year.
I know that sounds completely heartless, but considering the horrible roommates I'd had in the past, I was willing to trade my heart (and possibly a kidney or two) for a decent roommate. And Makoto definitely fit the bill. In fact, he turned out to be a great friend as well. Although he did stay longer than a year. :)
I remember being extremely anxious as Makoto checked out the apartment for the first time. In my head I was chanting, Please, please, please, say you'll move in. If you don't I'll be living on the street. Please, you little Japanese bastard, just say you love it! And then he turned around and spoke in the most calm voice: "It's...perfect...."
"YES!" I wanted to scream, but instead I composed myself and asked, "So...do you smoke?"
"Uh, sometimes..."
Yeah, right, I was thinking. Please! Show me a Japanese student who doesn't smoke and I'll show you an American who doesn't giggle when they fart at the table.
"Well, I smoke," I told him, taking out a cigarette.
You would think Makoto saw the face of God. The light from a thousand angels danced in his eyes at that moment. You see, Makoto was a bona fide smoker. I mean he was the human equivalent of a damn ten alarm fire. And the host family he was staying with at the time did not allow smoking inside the house--and this was before California got all Nazi about smoking.
Needless to say, the arrangement worked out great. Makoto fit in perfectly with my existing friends. That is, he liked to drink, smoke cigarettes, and play video games. And soon he met Sydney, the woman who had the ability to keep those angels forever dancing in his eyes.
Sydney and Makoto got married in 2002. And guess who married them? Yep, you got it: It was me! I joined the Universal Life Church online and became an ordained minister (yeah, like stupid Joey on Friends). Then I married them in Bass Lake, California. And now they're having a baby! Woo hoo! Guess what they're going to name it if it's a boy?
No, not likely. And that's only because Grrrrant would be too difficult for Makoto's parents to pronounce. Can you imagine: "Herro rittle Glant...."
All joking aside. Congratulations Makoto & Sydney!!
Scroll down for a picture of the old gang in the old apartment.
From left to right: Yas, Maki, Jack, Marc, Makoto, and Mr. cool!
On my trip to Monterey I made sure to visit the Wherehouse Music store I used to manage. Amazingly, two of my old buddies were there: Liz and Tommy. Liz took over the store after I transferred to Salinas, which was the store Tommy used to manage before he transferred back to Pacific Grove. Anyway, it was an awesome reunion! I have fond memories of singing karaoke with Liz at the Brittania Arms in downtown Monterey, and Tommy is a fellow Sci-fi and Fantasy writer.
After my trip down memory lane, my friends and I decided to hit the Mucky Duck for a few drinks, after which we took a late night promenade on the beach. Petra loves to take off her shoes and sink her bare feet in the cold sand. I, on the other hand, don't like going to the hospital to have beer bottle shards removed from the soles of my feet, so I kept my shoes on.
On the way, Daniel ran into a friend of his from school. Everyone introduced each other and then I noticed this one dude had a shirt that read: Real Men Love Unicorns. I snorted and proceeded to come up with the lamest joke imaginable. Unfortunately I am often the victim of my own stupid humor. Normal people, I believe, filter out stupid thoughts. I, on the other hand, spit them out my mouth the moment my brain generates them. Occasionally, I'll hit the target and everyone will just love the hell out of my joke. But more often than not, I fall flat on my face. And that's what happened this time.
So, one milliseconds after reading the shirt, I blurted: "I'd wear a t-shirt that read: 'Real Men Love Candycorns!" I swear there was a five second silence, in which I leaned forward with this stupid grin on my face and waited for the roar of applause. Needless to say, it never came. Petra or Daniel or someone rescued me by issuing a courtesy laugh, and everyone sort of ho-hummed into another conversation.
