While we slept, the United States was stolen...

In California we have a group of volunteer citizens who call themselves the Minutemen. They are made up of men, women, and children who set up camp next to our border with Mexico. They don't carry guns; they aren't there to rough up anyone trying to sneak across the border. They're simply there to supplement a lacking border control and to act as deterrents against would-be illegal immigrants. In other words, they're the good guys. Heroes in my book.

The Minutemen's co-founder, Jim Gilchrist, announced to the media that his volunteer group has adopted the philosophy of Martin Luther King. "We will observe. We will report. We will support law enforcement. We will not interfere with them. We will do no harm...and...we will be victorious."

At the same time, you have certain organizations like the American Civil Liberties Union who are screaming and yelling that what the Minutemen are doing constitutes a violation of immigrants' rights. They claim that the Minutemen are vigilantes who are abusing the rights of these illegal aliens by detaining, harassing, and humiliating them. Yet visiting their website, they give no specifics of these alleged abuses. And, knowing the ACLU, if there were such instances, we'd no doubt be hearing about the lawsuit in the media.

It seems the ACLU is more interested in protecting the rights of foreign nationals than it is the rights of the people their organization was created to protect.

Recently, the Nicaraguan government reported that two Al Qaeda operatives snuck into their country, and they have yet to apprehend them. Since Nicaragua is a mere 400 miles from Mexico, and since our border patrol's lack of government funding has rendered them practically useless, this is something to be extremely worried about.

I think the government needs to throw a lot of money at the Border Patrol. Build a wall...or a crocodile-filled mote if need be. But protect those borders! Otherwise, sooner or later, we'll be seeing suicide bombers and the like in LA and New York. And it doesn't have to be Islamic fundamentalists either; there are some nasty Central American gangs who would be more than willing to be trained and paid by Al Qaeda to do their dirty work for them.

I have a feeling that our descendants will be scratching their heads and wondering why we didn't do something to protect our porous borders. And they'll also be pointing their fingers at the ACLU, saying, "Man, they did their own country in."

Bugging Out...

It seems like every year there is a new infestation of some bug or another. A few years ago it was the cricket. I remember the little noisy bastards would somehow get into my apartment and I'd see them out of the corner of my eye as I was watching a movie.

At first I was really nice to them. I'd scoop them up, open the door, and set them free. But after a while I started getting really annoyed by their constant chirping and their aimless hopping. It was like having hundreds of one inch kids that never went to sleep.

By the end of the summer I was turning the hot water on in the bathtub and tossing the little chirping bastards in to watch them scurry around for a good two seconds before they just stopped completely, their tiny antennae wilting before my crazed eyes. The last sound they heard was me yelling, "Die you sons and daughters of Satan!!"

Come to think of it, that explains the strange looks I got from my upstairs' neighbors.

Around June, we get these evil flying beetles that are orange and have black stripes on their backs. Here in Fresno we call them Junebugs. And they usually are gone by July, so the name fits.

Anyway, they're extremely clumsy and famous for flying into girls' hair. In fact, that's probably the only cool thing about them. No, I take that back. If you toss them into campfires they quickly fly back out, only they're all on fire so that makes them pretty cool, too. But they're still evil. They have flag-like antennae and if you poke them they hiss.

This year there's another infestation of some grody (I can't believe grody's not in the dictionary) little pipsqueak of a bug. It looks like a grain of rice with wings, but when you poke it it hops.

Well lately they've been getting through the screen in my window and finding their way to my bed. This is so not cool, because now I can't sleep with my window open and I love the sounds of night and the cool summer breezes.

So every night I have to blacken my finger with their little corpses. Oh they can hop, but they can't hide. I meticulously seek them out, swatting and slapping and pinching and twisting their little bodies to smithereens. Then I go outside and drench the wall around my window with Raid. I won't let them ruin my summer, dammit!

On a lighter note, scroll down for some sweet pictures of me and my friends after graduation.

Makoto, Petra, Grant, Sydney 

Revenge of the Sith

Read Orson Scott Card's review.

Potpourri of words...

Graduation Day...

I was thrilled to hear my name being called over the loudspeaker: Gary Grant Morris. My family cheered and hooted. I think my dad farted, but that could have been one of those squeaky horns. When Dr. DenBeste (history department chair) shook my hand, she leaned over and told me that my paper on Russian university students was very good. I nearly farted, myself.

Summer...

So Petra said she wants to drive to New Orleans with a few stops along the way: Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, the world's largest ball of string, the Southfork ranch from the TV show Dallas. I'm thinking I might go with her. I've done a lot of traveling around Europe and I've been to Hawaii a couple of times, but I haven't seen much of the States. So, why not? And hell, I can still practice my French in Louisiana. What a great country we live in!

Joan of Arcadia...

Dammit! The one decent show on television has been canceled. Not that I'm a prude; I do love Desperate Housewives and Survivor and Lost. But come on, Joan was just about to square off with Satan! I admit, I was close to giving up on that show with all its drippy wholesome messages, but then Satan came along and spiced things up. And now they're canceling the series!!

Old memory...

The first time I saw a bidet (Low basin that you sit on to wash your bottom.) I was in France at my friend Marc's house. He told me that it was for washing your feet. So, naturally, after a long day of walking around Paris with Birkenstocks on, I'd end up scrubbing the bottoms of my feet in his parents' bidet. Later on, when I figured out what it's really used for, I decided to give it a whirl. And you know what, it makes really good sense to wash your keister with water. Think about it: Does wiping with paper really remove all the brown goblins? No, I don't think so. You don't wash your car with a dry rag, do you? No, of course you don't! Otherwise, you'd just be smearing the dirt around. I rest my case.

Now go clean your ass.

Lifting My Head Above Water...

Whew. I made it. Finals week is here and I can see a light at the end of the academic tunnel of hell. I will finally graduate. This Friday my ten-year college experience will be over and done with. Well, I didn't really attend school continuously for ten years; I would characterize it more as a flirtation. But these last two years I got down and dirty and the end result will be a piece of paper that says: "Thanks for all the money you spent on me, now go show this to someone who can exploit you for the rest of your sad little life."

Ok, too cynical. I'm actually thrilled to have completed my degree. I'm also looking forward to teaching history and whipping high school students into shape. I swear I'll learn them good! But I'm really ecstatic about the two delicious months I'll get off each summer. Man oh man, I'm gonna travel my ass off, write my ass off, and publish a novel that sells its ass off so I can spend the rest of my life sitting on my ass...off...(No, that didn't work.)

Ok, switching gears. I spent the last month writing boring papers on...well, just trust me when I say they were boring. So I need to get some things off my chest:

1) Ha ha, you stupid freeloader wench from San Jose who thought you could extort money from Wendy's with your husband's partner's diced finger!! You're going down!

2) Ha ha, Mr. Al Qaeda in Iraq, you got your ass shot and now your bleeding to death on some desert dune surrounded by camels and men who can't wait for you to kick it so they can take over your fourteen brides.

3) Um...no fair no fair no fair...Hel Bell's in Africa chasing lions and tigers and Impalas, oh my. Ollie's in Minnesota playing video games. Jack's in Morro Bay playing footsies with Natalie. Petra's headed off to Texas to rope herself a cowboy. And I'm in Fresno wondering what to do for the next two months. Which reminds me--Makoto, if you're reading this, please get rid of your roomie so I can come stay in LA with you and Syd.

4) My prediction: Carrie Underwood will be the next American Idol.

Peace out!